the love bar/ more

Oh there's always more.
This night, TED is so busy not looking at all of his text messages from the last few months, that he is almost convinced to himself that none of anything really mattered all that much.  Having become recently Buddhist, he is not attached to anything.  But he's reading, oh, he's really reading, he's looking for secret signs.

TED (looking at his phone): Right here, this one right here, look at this smiley face.  Do you see that?
MARSHALL: Ted, buddy, listen.  My homegrown midwestern good horse sense is finely tuned tonight, and I can tell you that the smiley face there is nothing more than a "shucks-a-gimmee."
TED: I don't understand your ways, sir.  I don't know what that means.
(VOICE-OVER): Marshall understood it better than I did.  You see, 15 years ago when we were all just teenagers, there was one girl in class that everybody loved.  Her name was Mazzie, and she was the first goth in Minnesota.  She would put smiley faces on all the notes from all the boys and girls who wanted her, and that smiley face meant "give me death."

MARSHALL gets a note from the GOTH GIRL, who smiles at him, and then spits out nails and blood.

TED: I had no idea a smiley face meant she wants to spit blood at me.
MARSHALL: Ted, chicks always want to spit blood, we're lucky when they don't.  And when they don't, buddy, it's magic.  That's what I have with Lily.
TED: Oh, fuck off.  Just fuck off.
(Long bro silence.  He keeps looking at his phone.)
TED: On October 21st, the day after I did a voodoo spell on her hair, she wrote me this..."Hahaha, I don't know what's wrong with me today, my head is full of xs and os."  Right there, that means she wants to make out.  And I missed it.
MARSHALL: I wonder if Lily ever did voodoo on me.
TED: And right here, the day after that, she wrote this, look, this is at 7 in the morning, she's never up at 7 in the morning, she must have been sleepless, thinking about me.
BARNEY: Or still up from the night before, doing the "wah-wah-wah," with a coupla strangers, what?
TED: She writes: "You and I will never be able to wear the same clothes."
MARSHALL: Lily always wears my clothes, like she wants to possess me, possess my very soul.
TED: That sounds bad, but it's not, because of what we were talking about the week before, really, this is very sweet.  Wow, she always loved me.
MARSHALL: I don't think I ever really loved her, I think she has a doll that looks like me in her purse and she makes me do things that I wouldn't do, like pretend that I'm not Jewish.
TED: I understand what it is she wants now, I understand for the very first time.  (He goes out looking for her.)
BARNEY plays with a bottle of ketchup, squirting it on all the guests.  Haha, that Barney.
And MARSHALL is very upset, and planning revenge against the one who betrayed him with her dark dark magic.
And scene.


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