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don't know where this is going

if you had told me years ago that I would be this age and still not know how things will go, and still not have a set routine, I would have been very excited to get here. And I am. My biggest fear is that the philosopher’s stone will give me all its secrets before I am old, and that will leave me doddering through the last years. I don’t mind knowing secrets, but I do not want to go through this world being correct. My heart is a plant when I am wrong, thirsty for water and sun and warm hands. 
I have moments of irritation, but I've learned that only the most tiresome people find everyone tiresome. 
Everyone is looking for a chance to form a more sustained narrative, and I found myself living in the margins of one obligation or another for so long, that I thought I was comfortable in the fragmentation, the fragments of story and impulse that might tell a larger story. But I couldn’t find my way into the larger story. This is not just about me, it happens to lots of us. The trouble i…

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