days of a new spell for an old ceremony/1

On the first day I woke up with a sweet song in my head and I didn't know where it was coming from, but I wanted to keep hearing it, because I liked what it was saying to me.  I spend too many mornings wondering about something that can't happen, and I spend too many evenings wondering why I still wonder about that.  I don't wonder any more.

On the first day I had to find my roots, they had been torn up from a series of invisible and vicious storms, and they had lost their life from being exposed in the last freeze.  On a shelf I found the stack of things that I always want, out of order, but that never matters very much, they all fit into the pockets of my jacket.  By the bathroom sink there was the faithful dog that had not been fed for too long, and she was asking for something new to chew on.  I couldn't help her, but I promised I would try to bring something back from the war outside.  Under the stairs, where the ancestors live, there were seven roots still soaking in water, these were fresh, still fresh, they're always fresh, but I have not noticed them for awhile.  On the living room floor, lying between water bottles and spoons and coffee grounds, I found my old clothes, the ones I used to wear when I was hungry.  I put them on and they still fit, and I understood that I was hungrier than last year, and that this would be helpful for so many things.  In the bookshelves I found three pressed flowers, something leftover from last year's lost loves, something I should keep close to me, but I'm not sure where to put them, because my pockets are already very full.  I'll decide tomorrow.

I try not to think about how this is going to be the most complicated thing I've ever done.  I try not to think about the things that have been lost between seasons.  I try not to think about your face, because when I think about your face, everything else goes away and I don't know where I'm supposed to be next, and here doesn't feel quite right.  This is better than not quite right, and so I go with that for now.  But there are sea monsters around every corner, they just woke up, and they tell me that this is going to be much more than I suspect, that this will all add up to more than I expect, and I suspect that you already know why.


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