(Now that we're all revved up and know exactly what to expect from this traditional structure, we are absolutely wet with anticipation for another buddy scene, when men talk about sentimental things and it is so surprising because they are also mooks, and the history of performance just now boosts up a notch, like with Eddie Murphy films where he seems almost to be apologizing for being such a homophobic asshole in his younger years, but the transgression is not so clear, oh no, not here, it's much harder to see, and that's why there's no buddy scene at all. But if there were, it would look like this.)
HE: Tonight I'm buying, feeling good, feeling awful good, have a look at 3 o'clock, the one in the aqua tank, those, my friend, are real.
(Laughs.)
HE: I'm not drinking anything tonight, I can't, I'm a recovering alcoholic.
(Laughs.)
HE: And when you drink, you break out in handcuffs.
(Laughs, it's all a bit too much.)
HE: I'm drinking club soda with lime, and I'm also eating cheese made by monks, and I'm also not not not not thinking or talking about her.
HE: Oh, but she's on your mind.
(He peels a sticker of her face off of his forehead.)
HE: Dammit! (Laughs.) I thought I'd washed that off. But it doesn't matter, because I'm an architect in New York City, and I have options.
HE: You do have options, and my suggestion is to go for the one on the left, and I'll go for the one on the right.
HE: I only see one girl there.
HE: I know.
(Laughs, milk flying out of noses, these guys are outrageous.)
HE: I sometimes think that it would be nice to settle down with one someone, you know, that one perfect someone and just settle down, and it sounds nice, so very nice, except I did that once, and I think if I did it again it would be romantic like prison is romantic, where we become each other's guards, and because I'm tall, I can see out the windows, so I am a guard with a distinct advantage.
HE: Then the only chance you have at a real and honest relationship would have to be based on height. You would have to be exactly the same height, or buy special shoes.
HE: On my architect's salary, that's no problem. Our problems aren't money, they're all about love.
HE: Oh, she's looking at you, watchout.
(HE, the first one, cockblocks HE the second, all for the attention of the girl in the aqua tank, and it's kind of friendly and violent all at the same time, because love is like that, and that is how I didn't meet your mother.)
(But that's all of that scene and there's another one.)
HE: What I miss the most is writing in a blackout, because I always liked waking up and seeing what I wrote the next day. But fortunately, I still don't remember much because it's always new. I'm glad you have this tower to yourself on most nights, because it gives me a place to go.
SHE: I sometimes wonder if we're really who we think we are, if we might not be someone else instead. I see pictures of you, they haven't happened yet, and you're doing all those things you do with people I've never met, and the pictures go forward in time, and eventually you're getting married in those pictures and it's to someone who's not me, and I like to think it would be someone I would like to know, but it never is, and I have to remind myself, if you're married to someone I don't want to know, then maybe I don't know you at all, and then I really wish I had kept some of the hair so I could crawl down and escape.
HE: I'm pretty sure that if you escaped and went mad in the forest and gave birth to twins, that I would find you, even if I was blinded, because I remember how you smell.
SHE: I wish that were true, but I'm not sure if it is. And you're bringing all these guests every time, and I don't know them, either, so I'm not sure what's really going on.
(There are lots of skeletons in this room.)
HE: I have a lot of ancestors who died when they were sad.
SHE: And you brought them here?
HE: No, not intentionally, they follow me. But I think some of them are yours.
SHE: Then we must be related.
HE: I'm sure we're related. It goes back a lot farther than we realize.
(Oh, but this night went so sad so suddenly, and even the birds here are the dark kind, the black ones who come to announce things, to clean hearts in spite of themselves, to clear things away so we can remember the dead, even though we don't remember why we have to remember them here.)
HE:
HE: Tonight I'm buying, feeling good, feeling awful good, have a look at 3 o'clock, the one in the aqua tank, those, my friend, are real.
(Laughs.)
HE: I'm not drinking anything tonight, I can't, I'm a recovering alcoholic.
(Laughs.)
HE: And when you drink, you break out in handcuffs.
(Laughs, it's all a bit too much.)
HE: I'm drinking club soda with lime, and I'm also eating cheese made by monks, and I'm also not not not not thinking or talking about her.
HE: Oh, but she's on your mind.
(He peels a sticker of her face off of his forehead.)
HE: Dammit! (Laughs.) I thought I'd washed that off. But it doesn't matter, because I'm an architect in New York City, and I have options.
HE: You do have options, and my suggestion is to go for the one on the left, and I'll go for the one on the right.
HE: I only see one girl there.
HE: I know.
(Laughs, milk flying out of noses, these guys are outrageous.)
HE: I sometimes think that it would be nice to settle down with one someone, you know, that one perfect someone and just settle down, and it sounds nice, so very nice, except I did that once, and I think if I did it again it would be romantic like prison is romantic, where we become each other's guards, and because I'm tall, I can see out the windows, so I am a guard with a distinct advantage.
HE: Then the only chance you have at a real and honest relationship would have to be based on height. You would have to be exactly the same height, or buy special shoes.
HE: On my architect's salary, that's no problem. Our problems aren't money, they're all about love.
HE: Oh, she's looking at you, watchout.
(HE, the first one, cockblocks HE the second, all for the attention of the girl in the aqua tank, and it's kind of friendly and violent all at the same time, because love is like that, and that is how I didn't meet your mother.)
(But that's all of that scene and there's another one.)
HE: What I miss the most is writing in a blackout, because I always liked waking up and seeing what I wrote the next day. But fortunately, I still don't remember much because it's always new. I'm glad you have this tower to yourself on most nights, because it gives me a place to go.
SHE: I sometimes wonder if we're really who we think we are, if we might not be someone else instead. I see pictures of you, they haven't happened yet, and you're doing all those things you do with people I've never met, and the pictures go forward in time, and eventually you're getting married in those pictures and it's to someone who's not me, and I like to think it would be someone I would like to know, but it never is, and I have to remind myself, if you're married to someone I don't want to know, then maybe I don't know you at all, and then I really wish I had kept some of the hair so I could crawl down and escape.
HE: I'm pretty sure that if you escaped and went mad in the forest and gave birth to twins, that I would find you, even if I was blinded, because I remember how you smell.
SHE: I wish that were true, but I'm not sure if it is. And you're bringing all these guests every time, and I don't know them, either, so I'm not sure what's really going on.
(There are lots of skeletons in this room.)
HE: I have a lot of ancestors who died when they were sad.
SHE: And you brought them here?
HE: No, not intentionally, they follow me. But I think some of them are yours.
SHE: Then we must be related.
HE: I'm sure we're related. It goes back a lot farther than we realize.
(Oh, but this night went so sad so suddenly, and even the birds here are the dark kind, the black ones who come to announce things, to clean hearts in spite of themselves, to clear things away so we can remember the dead, even though we don't remember why we have to remember them here.)
HE:
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