seamonster/the body in shock

Oh my gosh, that was too much, it's hard to believe he just laid it out there like that, so bold and so free.  And all without really saying anything terribly important, I mean, he sounded mad almost, but there wasn't anyone to be mad at, not at all, so it was almost like something crawled into his chest and said, "Now go howl at the moon and say the thing that you want to say," and we're all like, "Oh my gosh, that was harsh almost, except, that was it?  That was almost harsh."  And he. meanwhile, is becoming he meanwhile, and that's something very, very new.

And meanwhile almost, he is in a side stream, a channel diverted, and he is on a raft with his Daughter, and she has not been here before, but she needs to be here now.  Because without the daughter, there really is no reason for any of this.  Because it might be true that there's something being unlocked, something about another daughter, but that's very far away, and in the meantime, this generation that belongs to his daughter, and not to him, is starting to come to the surface of history, and that's where the world continues spinning, and his magic is already something of a generation that's removed, that is to say, he is confused about his place in things because his place in things is very confusing at this very moment in time.  Between fathers and lovers and daughters, there are roles that are getting clearer and roles that are getting very complex, and really, at the root, it's probably very, very easy, and simpler than it all seems.  First. there's this scene.

DAUGHTER: Daddy, there are ghost dogs all over the sea, and they're all white, pale dogs grieving in the sea.

HE: I thought it was just me.

DAUGHTER: Oh, daddy, you don't own all the hallucinations of the world, you don't own all the visions of the world, and what you gave to me, the gifts of sight you gave to me, were never yours alone to give, but came through your bloodstream, and that's very old.

HE: I think I knew that once and forgot.

DAUGHTER: I think you taught me that once, and I didn't forget.

And suddenly he is so sick, all of a sudden, that the hot peppers in his throat start to burn their way through his chest, and his heart is flaming, like hearts do when they are too hot, and now his raft turns into a classroom, and he is teaching the sirens something fun.

He is teaching again about the secrets of the ceremony, the one where you learn how to step outside your body through inhabiting it utterly, this is through song and dance and sex magic, and there's always lots of food with garlic and cinnamon and coconut milk, and everything that is good in the world pours over yourself like honey from the honey trees, and this is how we get to be transformed, by becoming ourselves so utterly that we leave ourselves finally.  He is teaching this all of his life so far because it's some of the prettiest things he ever learned, except, suddenly, here, it's starting to feel very inappropriate.

SIREN1: You've been talking this all over us for so long and you're all talky talk, you're a theory without a pulse, you're just narrating, you're not in your body, and I don't understand anything I can't inhabit.  Let's try this.  Let's try all of these theories.

HE: No, no no, no.  No.  Oh my gosh.  No.

SIREN2: I like taking notes.

HE: Oh my gosh.  That's good.  Good good good.  I like that.

SIREN#1 (WITH A BULLET): Can we try it?

HE: No, oh my gosh.  This isn't something we can do here.  We don't have the right clothes.

BURLEYSIREN: I've noticed that your clothes are getting tighter, are you working out, or are you trying to distract our attention?

HE: Nothing could be further from the truth, all of this is coincidental, everything is accidental, there are no intentions at all behind anything I do or say, I just think this is historically interesting and it will help us when we get to the final.  Which will be a multiple choice final.  Because we are becoming multiple.  And all of the answers will have to be correct, because everyone here can fit into this vast raft of knowledge.  Please don't ask me questions that will tempt me, because now, oh it's already too late, already, now just look at my head sweat, just look at the sweat coming from my head.  Oh my gosh.

But it's already too late because the music is on, it's hard techno thumping and everyone is moving, and it's like a rave movie directed by the bang brothers, just horrible, and he is trying to sleep on his desk because his back hurts.  The SIREN is crouched next to him, her head on his desk, puppy dog eyes.

HE: I feel like I'm missing out on something because I am so preoccupied about this pain in my lower lumbar-sacral-illiac region, I twisted something all out of shape, and honestly, just between you and me,  I think I did it when I was thinking about that one siren, the one who captured my attention when I first saw that first one siren, she had my attention and I was pumping hot molten iron to make myself forget her because it's just a disturbance, I have a disturbance in my blood and it looks like her, racing through my blood, and I was trying not to think about her and that's when I twisted myself out of shape.

SIREN#1: That's the sweetest thing you could have possibly ever said to me.

HE: (Now even more uncomfortable because he just spilled his heart all over the desk, and it looks so messy like that) It was just a metaphor.

SIREN#1: I love metaphors.  I could live in a metaphor for a very long time and not feel like I was missing out on anything.

HE: I twisted myself out of shape trying not to think of you.

SIREN#1: OH MY GOSH THAT IS SO GODDAM SWEET! I love that!  I don't know what kind of magic you have planned for me, Mr. Voodoo Man, but I promise you I will like it.

HE: Oh my gosh, this is very inappropriate.

SIREN#1: I don't even know what that word means, please teach me the etymology of the word.

HE: To take possession of something that does not belong to you.

SIREN#1: Oh my gosh, please do that.

HE: Oh my gosh, you remind me of that woman I met on the raft when I set off to get away from all of my obsessions and desires, and now you're right here, and my back hurts, and you want me to dance.

SIREN#1: TALK DEEPLY TO ME, THIS IS WORKING, GODDAMMIT, THIS IS REALLY WORKING.

HE: But I didn't recognize you until just now because honestly, I think I have a fever, except I'm not hot, my head is cold, please, feel my head, no, oh my gosh, don't touch my head.  See?  I'm confused.  I'm confused and indecisive because now I can't remember why I set out, unless it was to find you, and whatever happens after that might be an adventure, or it might just be something I imagined, a ghost dog, crawling across the waves, telling me stories in the dark so that I wouldn't sleep too deeply and forget everything that brought me out here.

SIREN#1: But this isn't the sea anymore, this isn't the sea at all anymore, this is something else entirely anymore, and all I want to do is pack you up in a box filled with basil and garlic, and carry you around my neck like a charm.  Because you are so charming.

HE: I'm really sick.  Oh my gosh, I feel really, really sick.

SIREN#1: THAT'S SO GODDAM CHARMING I CANNOT STAND IT ANYMORE YOU THINK I AM JUST GOING TO SIT HERE AND DO NOTHING??? OH MY GOSH!

She spends a little too much time, longer than is dramatically interesting, packing him up, which of course soothes him utterly, and he is left not so cold anymore, but with a temperature that is drastically increased, because he recognizes her as someone who can cross through many different worlds at once, and oh my gosh, he reallllly likes that.

She wears him like a charm, and the trancedance becomes so much more groovy than we would have suspected, and by the morning, everyone looks a little bit more like they did the night before.

Oh my gosh I have to take a break from this.


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