this is moving

there are boxes in the garage that haven't seen air in a year or more.  and when they open, a thousand indecisions come out and start to decorate the house, but without any sense of style or color, they are unsure, and this all seems so permanent.  whatever nook this particular insecurity will live, it might be that resting place for at least another year.  unless we move things.  we will, we will, but we don't know that, not with all these new children in the house.

it takes awhile for the dogs to find the water again, it takes awhile for them to circle once, twice, and then four times going backwards, before they understand this is home.  and they drive the insecurities and uncertainties away.  there are already voices of laughing couples upstairs, and little girls from the graveyard downstairs, and nothing is there to say this will be anything less than an enchanted time and place.

i've been cleaned, mountain and ocean, and the only unresolved ghosts are the ones who have new business with me, the old things are old things and won't come back.  but the new business is a motherfucker.  everything that is unresolved just hasn't happened yet, but there's every reason to suspect it's about to happen, the ones i want to sort out now will take months, and the ones that need time will happen right away, and i'm prepared, which is the worst part of all of this.

i just need time to sort these things out, i'm not expecting any big pattern to get revealed, and i'm not counting on all the magic to unlock after the last box is thrown out, but i just need time to put these things where they are supposed to go.  i'm sorry it's taking so long, i know exactly how you feel, i'm frustrating.


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