3rd part/restricted manifesto

More structures:
Structure of meditation:
- clarifying
- exertion of muscle, breath body bone, and more clarifying
- then release into the dream/vision (flood)
- drowning
- and then an answer

(she says, "i never got over you, and you'll never get over me, and the only way to resolve this is to turn on each other, move through each other until there is nothing left, until we are like tigers running around the tree and spinning into butter," and i say "we tried that and it didn't work, we still live to fight again another day, and i carry this list of precious things, but i don't know what it's for" and someone else interrupts, but this year we all decide not to ask for advice about anything except work, so they cannot speak in this place)
((if they were smart, they might say, "this is a call that was answered, but you forgot the words, because you forgot to make them up as you went along, and that's the only way to win the sweetness from the river, reckless invention and a larger capacity for tenderness, prepare for war and cultivate the capacity for innovation..."))
(((and leave a message)))
(((like in, dont invoke if there's no message)))

(-I couldn't love you until you broke in a thousand pieces, and there are those I do not recognize, but this one, for this one, I would do anything-)

Kassandra has to wander.

We get so far from the ancestral home that not even the stars can recognize who we are (and when someone tells us that the constellations have changed, we might believe them).

I was told to give up the search for the Grail and get lost in the Art, and to make my work the arrow and the target. When I set out, I didn't get to the point where I couldn't see the shore before I remembered that the search was also the art. But by that point, I was far enough away to see that what haunted me had three faces: one was madness, delight, destruction; one was caught between the flat image and the one between two pieces of cloth; one was able to change faces nine times at the edges of the water, unable to decide between the cemetery and the sea.

The face I couldn't see was the one that was always just on the verge of disappearing, black and cafe c/crema, and just enough red to make things dangerous, always just on the edges of the next wave, so I went off looking for that one, while taking the other three with me, tied to my back and sometimes hooked into the skin, and somewhere in this the work started to take shape. An ancestral tree with twisted roots, or a mermaid who insists on her right to change her face with the moon.

And then it struck me that these moons were not there to take me further away from her, but were always bringing me closer. I was entranced by all the faces, and deeply in love, and she said, "then start chasing me, now that you recognize me."

The moment I walked into the future, everything changed, but it took months before I could believe it.

This did not look like happiness.

This did not feel like happiness.

Not how I expected.

But it did look and feel like a dream where magic was not just a possibility, but a law. And I was eating and sleeping, tasting the food and remembering my dreams, and this was better than happiness. & the unbearable heat on the road had been cooled, and movement was easy. I would have everything I wanted when I needed it, and the moments began to fall into an order that was charmingly chronological. She was not who I wanted her to be, and she was not who I wanted to think her to be, she was this, and this is the one I was thinking of, and that was all, and it would probably change again, and for the moment that was all right.

In this dream, we cannot control what the others do, and because magic guides us, we know better than to try. And the rest falls into place from there, subject to the same laws of gravity that make the moon the best light for the dark.


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