after that new moon

that one right back there, that one that closed those doors, opened these doors, and kept a few doors open because those tracks are still running (and a few doors are kept open that I'm not even aware of)  ((i'm not aware of a lot of things))...there is also this: the wise old(er) man in my head, one who is my father (self) is laying things out, this is where things are right now and so on and so forth, but by the end, he says, very clearly, "but despite what you think these days, that this is all stupid and you are done with things like this, and that you are no longer playing in those games, your role is many things, of course, but it will always be, you will always be playing the role of the one who is chasing after that girl.."  and if it is true, i don't know who it's true about, but it feels true, but it can't be that one, that is definitely done (along with that one and that other one), and there's this, that looks very interesting, but it looks to me like a maybe that will soon enough turn into a no, and i'm not convinced the no is from her at all, and then there is this one right here, especially when she's casting that profile, because that profile is holding my attention long enough to start letting the scene play out in my head, but when the scene plays out it does become stupid, and i'm somewhere wondering what that last text means, and how jealousy is not a cape that looks good on me at all (and no one can pull off a cape right now, no one, not here, and not over there), so i must know something that i don't know, i must be referring to someone down there, someone i haven't met yet, but.  there is this suspicion that all the players are really already right here, that we've already met, that our unresolved relationship is going to be resolved sooner than i think, and long before we are ready for it...as if, as if, three lifetimes ago we were all leapfrogging, in between lifetimes, missing each other by twenty years or so (not that this would stop me from anything, even though you might think it should), and before that, we were missing each other by 60 years or so, entire lifetimes or so, and those were the loneliest lifetimes anyone ever lived ever in the history of everything that is in history, so this time, we're leapfrogging, and missing the beat at the most important moments, but, we have a chance, because we are in time, we are here in time, we are going to resolve this in time, all in good time...

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